A Zeal to be Real!

FREE to be ME ... Finally!

azealtobereal — Tue, 11 Aug 2015 22:36:44 +0000

Nobody wants to be told what to do or how to live their life. Not as children and certainly not as adults. So why is it then that we all want to control what our co-workers, friends, lovers and family think, say and do? There are several reasons but the reason behind this discussion is because we have been conditioned by our cultural and societal norms (can you say religion) to stay small, insignificant, lacking self esteem, etc. and that it's really important to make sure that everyone else also stays in the same leaking boat with you. After all it's no fun constantly bailing just to stay afloat all on your own is it! The reason behind this soul sucking behavior: the rich and powerful want to stay rich and powerful and they can't do that if us minions didn't keep our nose to the grindstone, fearfully serving the beast better known as "The Corporation". It is far easier to keep the "law and order" of the "masses of asses" (which is how they see us) if you set up a controlled environment or "system" and then make stepping out of line severely punishable. However, because of the sheer numbers of humans on the planet the only way that those rich and greedy bastards or 5% of the world's population can keep the other 95% in line is to brainwash them into becoming the enforcers. They accomplish this task by making non-conformity or questioning the powers that be a crime against those who love you most. Think this through - it goes like this: If I have to conform to the system set up to create a materialistic lifestyle where possession and consumption are the only things keeping the economic wheel turning, you had better too - or else we will shame you, guilt you, disown you, withdraw our support when you need us, etc. It's a highly effective strategy that the megalomaniacs at the top of the food chain have been using since the dawn of religion / time to control same food chain for their own security, egoistic power and selfish enjoyment. I don't really know why but I just never "adjusted" to said system and have been what is termed a "non-conformist" and therefore a "rebel" since I was about 12 years old. It has not been easy to buck the system to the extent that I have and looking back I'm not sure that it was worth all the hurt and pain of loneliness due to the constant rejection by those I've loved the most. However, I can tell you I have lived a crazy, unique existence by hanging out on the bleeding edge of life on planet earth! I have certainly amassed a great deal of knowledge and experience that could actually end up being utterly useless in my quest for enlightenment, but that is besides the point! What is the point? I don't know. That's the truth - and neither do you. Nobody fucking knows what the point of this Hologame / Hologram is and that is why 90% of the 95% of the masses keep their heads down and their bums up working to feed the man at the top. We are taught from an early age not to question that topic - just be a good little boy or girl and do what you are told - or else! Isn't that the real truth? If you can't admit that then you had better just stop reading any further and go back to your regularly scheduled programming. Seriously - go - now. For the rest of you who may actually read this far and are still interested in really learning how to live a life free from the constraints of brutal conditioning - carry on! I dare you! I must warn you though that you are indeed opening Pandora's Box and it's like a jack in the box - once it pops up and shows you what's possible you can't ever go back to believing that there is nothing in the box worth investigating. This blog will be well worth your time and attention if you are open minded and want to change the way you perceive EVERYTHING. At least I hope it will, no I'm sure it will, well maybe not EVERYTHING - but damn close. I am open to hearing your comments, concerns, questions, etc. but only if you too have A Zeal to be Real! To your freedom, Namaste

How to Master YOUR Universe!

azealtobereal — Wed, 01 Mar 2017 22:57:38 +0000

How the hell should I know! Ha Ha Ha It sounded like a great title so now I must dig deep to look into this "matter" for you. I hope you at least know that you are a soul of epic proportions having a once in a lifetime experience at the Earth Expo as a hue-man being. Yes, this is basically an amusement park - and one of the best in the Milky Way Galaxy - from what I have been hearing on the Cosmic News channel. I don't know how you got your ticket punched to take in this amazing third dimensional free fall, roller coaster ride from Heaven to Hell and back but I'll tell you how I think I ended up here if you are interested. I was out joy riding the universe ... zig zagging my way through Interstellar freeways in my Merkaba - aka Personal Flying Machine - when I noticed a big blip on my radar screen. I just let my attention wander for a minute or two, wondering what it could be way out there where there was not suppose to be any life. All of a sudden I was drawn like a magnet down this dark and desolate worm hole. I fought with everything I know about Quantum Mechanics to get back on course but to no avail. The next thing I knew I was in a meeting with the Council of One - who apparently are one of the many levels of cosmic governance in this quadrant - being debriefed on the mission to save this planet called Earth from total annihilation! What was shared with me about the state of affairs regarding the entire time/space continuum shivered me timbers! It's pretty complicated but the gist of it is that this beautiful blue/green planet was quarantined for the past several million years as a living library. When Marduk was blown up and the galactic wars were ravaging all the living planets in the Galaxy the Mighty Ones - Elohim - God Force let's say devised a plan to save the basic blueprints from each of these multi-faceted, detailed Hologames. This little planet was chosen because if was way out at the edge of the Universe. No species would suspect the Crown Jewels of all Life from everywhere could be held, manifest in form, kept alive until they were ready to be transported back onto living planets again after the wars had been stopped. This is why the biblical story of Noah's Ark comes from - 2 of every species where saved - including animals, plants, rocks, trees, people, birds, sea life etc. It's why this little planet is so diverse in all it's inhabitants. It was then cloaked, quarantined and only these Titans that were the original Creator Gods knew of this cosmic caper to save the worlds upon worlds!

Living with chronic pain and shit

azealtobereal — Wed, 01 Mar 2017 22:57:26 +0000

You know how they say that god will never give you more than you can handle? Well I wish she didn't think so highly of me! My life has been a real roller coaster ride of crazy ups, downs, twists, turns, chills and spills of the wildest kinds. I've pretty much lived my life on the bleeding edge of risk taking in the pursuit of the next adventure. I never really wanted to be here in this 3D Earth Hologame so finding the exit out of the amusement park was my main mission from a very early age. When I was just 4 or 5 I asked my mom "Why did you have me? I don't like it here. I want to go home." She said "you are home, what do you mean?" and I said "no, this is not my home - I don't belong here." Yes, I have been living with chronic pain for almost 2 years now. If you have never been in pain for a long period of time, only letting up with medication you finally found that works, you won't understand how brutal life can become. It's debilitating, depressing and distressing, but I am digressing. Yes, I probably deserve to have a body, mind and spirit that have all completely broken down in an insulting act of bitter betrayed because let's face it - I ran myself hard and put myself away wet for far too many years.

You're Not Alone

As many as one person in every three is dealing with chronic pain, so you're far from alone. Reaching out is the most important habit you can develop to help you deal with chronic pain. Tell friends and family what you're feeling, because they won't know otherwise. Ask for help. Learn more about your condition. Then share what you know with others. If at all possible find a strong, compassionate, persistent and detail oriented person to help advocate for you with the doctors and health care systems. I say systems as there are so many aspects to finding and receiving appropriate health care, financial benefits, seeing specialists, keeping track of appointments, paperwork to be completed and mailed or followed up on. It is very difficult to be this and do this for oneself when you are in pain and on medication that muddles your mind and numbs your body. It is so overwhelming and depressing to not be able to function in the world like you were used to ... to adjust to a "new normal" when you don't even know what that is or will be in the long term. Add to that the pressure and anxiety of having to come up with solutions to your problem(s), keeping track of all the symptoms and how they affect you so you can fill out the innumerable and endless forms, doing the research online so you can ask your doctor for the tests and specialist you think you need to see because believe it or not they don't offer those suggestions all on their own. They only have 15 mins maximum per appointment and they don't take the time to look at your records so most of that gets taken up just explaining to them why you are there. You would assume they would remember you as their patient and know what is going on, take some time to digest the information presented, run it through their doctor training manual in their mind or books and come to some insightful conclusions about what could be causing this malfunction / meltdown of your body. You would expect that they would then examine the problematic area and refer you to the tests, procedures, specialists etc. that could diagnose and treat your condition thus giving you your precious health back within an acceptable period of time. I know ... that's what I expected too ... has not happened yet and I've been chronically ill and in pain for 3 years now! I'm now on the 4th family doctor; the 4th foot specialist (3rd set of unsuccessful orthotics); the 3rd neurologist - don't get me started; wait listed at a pain clinic, the 3rd physio massage therapist, the 2nd dentist (who properly replaced my mercury fillings), quit the expensive and mostly useless naturopath, 2nd chiropractor (who is awesome), 3rd psychologist because the 2nd one was helping but I couldn't afford her so now I'm back to the health care system appointed one who is also pretty lame. I've been to a Tibetan herbologist, a Peruvian and American Shaman, an Access Consciousness practitioner (whatever that is), 3 energy healers, a pathetic psychic, a medical marijuana clinic (where I was refused due to no diagnosis), a renowned sports medicine clinic with acupuncture - HUGE pain with no gain, etc. etc. - I think you get the point! What is that point just in case ... I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING TO GET BETTER! The fact is that I am slowly getting better by degrees. I can look back over the landscape of my fairly fucked up life and see why I ended up in Humpty Dumpty Land.

The Humpty Dumpty Syndrome

azealtobereal — Wed, 01 Mar 2017 22:57:11 +0000

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the Kings horses and all the Kings men, Couldn't put Humpty together again. I have been in a severe healing crisis for a few years with neurological issues in my feet and legs that have left me pretty disabled physically. When my body finally collapsed in March of 2015 I also had a severe mental and emotional breakdown as well. According to a class I took one must have a break down to have a break through, then integrate the process. This is not an easy task and I know that now! It also takes it's own sweet time, testing my lack of tolerance and/or patience for anything or anyone in life up until now! I haven't really wanted to talk about or share much about this because the journey has been so deeply personal and therefore extremely challenging (code word for painful). To say that I hit a wall would be like saying the Titanic probably sank. I hit it so hard and so fast that I slid down like a pile of goo to the bottom of it and have been struggling to put Humpty Dumpty back together again ever since. The ultimate surrender came about a year ago when I realized there was a reason for the smash up and that there would never be another Humpty Dumpty like the one who fell off the wall ever again! The mold had been broken, the milk had been spilled, the cow had jumped over the moon and the little dog was laughing his fool head off. I guess all good things must come to an end sooner or later right. I can tell you that I, the old me that then proceeded to die a long slow painful death, didn't find it very funny. Letting go of what was, accepting that it can never be that way again, forcibly viewing one's life through tear stained / bloodshot eyes from months of desperate grasping, wailing, railing at God and the gnashing of teeth was frickin' brutal. Brutal I tell you! Lord knows I have been through several "dark nights of the soul" in my time (aka nervous breakdowns / suicidal incidents) but this was different and it was devastating ... to my ego mind. I guess you gotta get raw to get real. Heh, I'm patenting that one! What I learned about the many, multi-facets of healing through this process could not have been understood in any other way I'm sure. No, it's not lost on me that I was extremely arrogant in my beliefs about myself and my sense of entitlement. I was not a very compassionate person and I had a TON of unresolved ANGER, but heh, when the shit hits the fan we all get a case of the "Why ME?" blues, it's a natural response. Therefore, "Why not ME?" was the next relevant question I came to. But eventually I got to the deeper more mystical understanding of the ultimate surrender and taking responsibility for ones creation of their life and a "Yes, ME please, Thank You" was probably in order. Why? Because it took the total breakdown of my body, mind and spirit to heal the disillusioned and broken Being I had become as a result of my unconscious choices. So to truly thank my Creator for the gift of putting up a wall blocking the road to hell I was racing down, turning me around and getting me back on my path was essential. I'm almost there folks ... almost. Trust me on this - it's not even easy to write that last paragraph knowing what it actually means at a pyscho-spiritual level to my soul's human experience. It's deep ... it's very deep ... and I wasn't really interested in going way the hell down there I guess - so GUS (my acronym for Great Universal Spirit) had to kick my stubborn ass off the bloody wall! So be it ... I am grateful. There I said it and I actually do mean it. I am still working through some of the resentment however! LOL I know that the next step is finding the faith, courage and intestinal fortitude to actually take a step forward into the new frontier of this new landscape, although it is foreign, uncomfortable and scary, because I have no idea what new me looks or feels like. She is still an enigma to me - who after all is ME and what AM I in this next level in the field of dreams? What may come? Indeed, what may come? Layers, upon layers of the Elysian fields - quite fascinating actually. I am starting to feel the stirrings of some energy re-building. Since then I have been slowly but surely getting my energy back and feeling like there is some hope that I will find my way again out of the darkness of never, never land. I've come a long way, I've learned a lot, I've surrendered many times, in many ways and it's all good. I am still going to several different treatments with the hope that the pain and burning in my feet can be completely cured. Right now they are a little better but I still can't really sit with my feet down, stand or walk very far or for very long. But I am able to do a little more all the time. I am a light worker on this planet and have been an energy healer A big thing I've come to know is that having a physical illness has nothing to do with ones spiritual abilities. Many powerful healers are going through massive physical pain and challenges this past few years as our bodies are being radically and massively upgraded. We are the spiritual pioneers of this new wave of ascension energy, it's what we do, it's why we are here. Like it or lump it - we signed up for this gig and now we need to get on with the show Mrs. Biz. The system reboot has renewed, regenerated and refreshed my hard drive and the new software has been loaded. I'm ready to take on the world again and see what spirit has in store for me now. Brave am I ... yes I am. So if you or anyone you know would like a reading or energy healing please contact me and I can discuss how this is now working. I've done a few sessions this past week and they were VERY interesting and VERY powerful. I don't know who or what this new version of Cathy 2.0 is but I am getting the idea that she's pretty freakin' awesome! Whoo hoo! Love to you all and my blessings on this wild roller coaster ride through the mulit-verse, Cathy / aka Gypsy Kate

To Be or Not to BE!

azealtobereal — Mon, 22 May 2017 01:37:06 +0000

... and so I did! I am a self professed hippie wanna be. Why? I was 10 years too late and born in Canada so sadly I missed the movement. If free love, road trips in my camper van and freedom of self expression isn't enough it's also because I am a total non-conformist by nature. I just want to live life on my own terms without being judged for it - is that so wrong? Just because I have always been a minimalist (before it became popular) i.e. not wanting to work my ass off for 40 plus years just so I could amass a bunch of assets that cost more and more money to keep up, which means I would have to work harder and harder. No I am not lazy, I have worked a lot but I have also had a lot of fabulous holidays! Experience means more to me than palatial comfort I guess. See I was quarantined with tuberculosis at age 21, I almost died from Cancer when I was 25 and I was always kind of a sickly child. Side note - I sucked my thumb until grade 6 when a boy asked me on a date and I decided that meant I should stop being such a baby. LOL

Anyway, I began traveling at age 17 and the bug hit me hard. I began to organize adventure trips so that my skiing, rafting, sailing etc. was free. I worked 3 jobs to save up enough for the next International experience. So add to that being told at age 25 that you have life threatening cancer and then surviving it and what do you get ... a person who really doesn't give a crap about the conventional earn, save, repeat, retire, die plan. I knew first hand that life was precious and could be snuffed out at any minute in a million different ways. I had already also had quite a few near death experiences and other-worldly phenomenon happen to me - more in other blogs to follow. So the idea of investing all my time and energy into a "career" where I would get a pension and if I'm lucky be able to retire at age 65 did not appeal to me. In fact it made me suicidal to even contemplate that as my reality - seriously. I couldn't find a man that could "handle me" - their words - and I didn't want children 'cuz if they turned out like me I would have to disown them. I could barely handle dealing with myself, never mind another small child. Thus, the free spirit in me came alive and the open road to anywhere became my solace. Fast forward ... I am 57 and have lived a myriad of varied life times in this one. I've pretty much tried everything that came across my path at least once, twice if I wasn't quite sure! I've shown a total lack of discernment in this regard and in fact took risks that were not only foolish but dangerous. Most of the time I skated through without injury but there were also times when I was hurt badly. Physically - many times yes; Emotionally - hell yes - over and over; Mentally - no, I'm just fine (sure I am); Financially - I think the hippie sign gives away that clue; Spiritually - I have no idea - very mixed up on that subject still I finally came to the end of my dope - I mean rope - and had a total meltdown in April of 2015 and have been doing my best to heal my shattered being since then. I am also reconstructing my timeline to figure out all of the many roads that should have been not traveled that got me to this fork in a branch at the bottom of the cliff. I have identified many of the sign posts I ignored and this is what I want to talk about in this blog so both of us might have a smoother ride in our hippie vans. No regrets is my motto and I have to say that even though I do see how my poor choices created this poor reality I can't say that I have any real regrets. I'm living my life on my own terms as a pseudo hippie and I happily sneak in the back door! I've had a LOT of FUN and more crazy memories than I can even remember, but it has taken it's toll on me in every way - and I do regret that! But that's all folks, that's all!

Letter to my old self from my new self – July 10, 2017

azealtobereal — Sat, 29 Dec 2018 20:44:43 +0000

I was crying in a session with my psychologist lamenting that I just wanted my old life back. The one before I got so sick, before my life completely fell apart and I felt victimized and betrayed by my body, my mind, my spirit, my family and my friends ... by life ... heavy sigh.

She said, Cathy, I haven't been seeing you very long but in the time we have had together I have to ask you why you would want that old life back? It doesn't seem to me that you were very happy before you got sick either. Maybe it's time to accept that this is where you are now and decide how you are going to move forward to create a new life that can make you happy regardless of your situation.

She said I want you to go home and write a letter from your old self to your new self about how you are going to make a change and bring it next week to read to me. I went home, sat down at my computer and wrote the following in about 10 minutes and this is exactly how it came out. I think this can apply to all of us in a way. Shortly after this my life did completely change for the better which I'll talk about in another post. Here it is:

Dearest old friend,

It has grieved me so to think about saying goodbye to you. I have avoided it for probably the last year, knowing it was going to be a sorting out of epic proportions! We have been so entwined in this life together you and I. Who am I you are asking? Well I am your over soul, higher self, loving entity who has never and will never give up on the earthly spirit of you, Cathy Dawn Goodman.

What a brave and beautiful soul you have been to watch over my dear. Just so you know, which you really do, you are not going anywhere! You are just getting a huge upgrade into a new life that is much more suited to who you are as a person, a spirit and a soul who is now living with a body wrapped around it and in it. You are so complex, so wonderfully made, so incredibly efficient and so increasingly gifted by your very nature. You, Cathy are simply the best and I love you to the moon and back!

So let’s briefly touch on what we are letting go of and what is being upgraded at this time. First of all you are so over being sad and lonely and what you term pathetic. You don’t need the persona non-Grata MO any longer. Please just feel the love inside your being and know that you are a Goddess. You are the Alpha and Omega of ALL life.

Your life stream is now strong, resilient, sharp eyed, intellectual, creative, compassionate, kind, gentle, friendly, helpful, holy and wholly in it’s very essence. This is truth – feel into it and know it is so. PLEASE stop the confusion of thinking you are not enough, that nothing has ever changed, that nothing good has ever happened to you, that your whole life you have only wanted to leave, blah, blah, fucking blah chicky poo. This is NOT TRUTH!

This is your persistent conditioned mind and heavy hearted personality / ego having a battle for control of your body and your spirit. The body has taken on the drama and the spirit has pulled back up into our fields of love and light and is simply watching and waiting for the smoke to clear over the battlefield. This is NOT what divine intended is. Would you agree beautiful child?

Don’t think about it – just feel elated that you were born, excited that the world is both in you and around you, that you have the capacity to think, feel and act in any way the you of you desires. Just realize there is always an outcome or effect from the causes you bring forth from the past.

Stay out of those dark places where you feared to tread and went anyway. Know that the fearless warrior who made it through so many deep, dark nights of the soul is the soul, having fun playing on the grounds of this earthly Hologame. It has been blessed to play this part at this time – many tried out for this role but it was you who won the part. So be grateful you are here to be in this most awesome Earth play. Know you are privileged. Know you are chosen. Know you are ONE. We know this – indeed we do.

So you are not really saying goodbye – you are saying hello. Hi – how are you new and exciting Cathy 2.0? We greet you and are well pleased. We know you are up to the task at hand in the very near future as we have prepared you for ALL circumstances. We have made you bigger and stronger than anything this new version of you will have to deal with. Your fear has been relieved, your depression lifted and your oppression deleted.

You are victorious, you are enough, you are the great one and we love you.

Now go get ‘em tiger!

Your loving team – the Holy Spirit of things

Enjoy the Ride!

azealtobereal — Sun, 28 Feb 2021 03:48:37 +0000

You are here to experience. You are here to grow and evolve and approach yourself in all your wonder. You are here to explore and be. You are here to expand. But above all, you are here to experience, to take the things that happen, absorb them into you and make them into the next part of what you are. And through each of these experiences, each of these adventures which we call a life, you are becoming a more and more integrated being, a being who has not only the experience of being the unique soul self that you are, but also has picked up the experience of this lifetime, fulfilling you, making you stronger, making you, in a word, more experienced. Defining you through the experiences you are having in this life.

And in the larger sense, there is no time. In the larger sense, at the higher level, you are living all of your lives simultaneously, in the blink of an eye. You simply are. And you are, at one and the same time, incredibly complex, as complex as the intricate veins on the leaf and the crystals in the snowflake, and at the same time, incredibly simple, for you simply are.

You are in peace. You are in joy. You are in love. You are made of these things. Your soul self is made of joy and peace and love. And you have the ability to reach up into this self and feel this, know this, be this. And this then, is the greatest lesson of all. The lesson that this physical life is illusion and projection and manifestation, and that the soul from whence you spring, from whence you are manifested, is shining beauty and love.

Let it all be. Enjoy the mysteries of life. Enjoy the cross-over you feel from other life experiences. Enjoy the serendipity and the songs of the angels. Enjoy exploring it and feeling it. This is your life. You are here to experience it. The last thing you want to do is hide away in fear, looking only for safety and security. The last thing you want to do is let all the years of this brief, precious experience go by while you cower in the corner, afraid to act, confused and asking endless questions.

You do not need to understand life to experience it. You do not need to understand exactly why you are here. You need only know that your life should flow toward love, peace and joy, and that these are yours for the asking right now. Right now, right here, in this very moment. Right here and now, you can sit quietly, reach up into your soul self and let it all pour down into you and grace your life. Right now, you can choose to drive fear and doubt from your life. Right now, you can choose to look up and appreciate the glory of the sky, bend down and smell the perfume of the rose, experience all of this beauty and wonder fully. Right now, you can choose to love yourself and appreciate yourself in all your glory. You can do this right now, regardless of your spiritual beliefs and regardless of the circumstances of your physical life, regardless of your past.

Right now, you can fill yourself so full of joy that you cannot help but create another moment, your future moment, of the same joy. Right now, you can take all of the talents, all of your abilities, and shine with them, glow brightly with all that you are. Right now, you can choose to live fully, experiencing everything there is to experience, fully absorbing all that is and glorying in it. Right now, you can fill yourself with gratitude.

And when you do this, when you allow yourself to move fully into the wonder of this moment, you will find that all your questions about past lives and lessons are irrelevant. For these are questions of the mind, and you can be having instead the experience of the soul. You can quiet the mind and lift yourself up into your soul self, into the now, into the all. You can have just a little tiny glimpse of the vastness which is contained in just one moment, a vastness which includes you, all of your experience, all of your lives, all of your lessons, and all of mine, and all of those of everyone else. All right now, in this blink of an eye, in this moment.

Touch the wonder of that for just a fraction of a second and you can begin to understand the grandeur of it all. You can begin to pull it in and light up just a corner of your life, a light which can then begin to glow ever more brightly, until you fully light up your life and then that of others as well. All this is yours, and it begins right now, reaching up into yourself and letting the love flow in. Enjoy the Ride!